Last night, I discovered that The Conspirator was available on Amazon Instant Video. Huzzah, I thought. Having the house to myself, I figured it a perfect time to enjoy a Civil War era film.I made it through twenty minutes and turned it off.
Keep in mind, I have never walked out on or turned off any Civil War film. Ever. And I have sat through Gods and Generals TWICE. Clearly I am committed to Hollywood's take on this epic historical event. But I just could not stomach this wretched piece of rubbish.
If the first twenty minutes were any indication of things to come in the rest of the film, then I suppose I would have been treated to more over-wrought testaments to "American" jurisprudence - the right to a trial by one's peers and the notion of innocence before guilt can be established without any element of doubt. Thanks for the elementary lesson in law.
But wait, there are more lessons to be learned here. Yes - Mary Surratt was indeed a woman. Her implication in the murder of Abraham Lincoln and her subsequent execution were shocking to be sure. Thanks for the elementary lesson in nineteenth-century gender assumptions.
The problem, at least in the first few scenes that I could watch, is that both of these issues are of great significance - then and now - and they were glossed over in a tisk-tisk fashion only after dripping a taste of sickening "look-at-how-we've-progressed-but-there's-still-work-to-be-done" syrup on for good measure. And even this was done so in a mumbly dead-pan stumble fest. Such nonsense can only amount to some of the worst writing, the worst acting, the worst directing, or a combination of the three. I would have been more riveted watching a plate of white toast get stale as time slowly, painfully passed.
Not that the film was completely lacking in merits. I got a bit of a chuckle at the actor who played (with all the southern-Gothic styling of a junior high production of Cat on a Hot Tin Roof) John Wilkes Booth. His brutish pronunciation of the Virginia state motto in the Ford's Theatre scene - sic semper tyrannis - was delightful. I suppose this was merely an effort to "southernize" or if you like, "Rebelize" the president's assassin (who was a classically trained actor), by giving him a slightly raspier Jethro Bodine-esque accent. Such clumsy and obvious efforts make me laugh.
But who knows? Maybe the utter brilliance of rest of the film made up for the first twenty minutes. I will never know. Perhaps it got slightly less patronizingly preachy. Maybe there was a musical number. Maybe robots. If anyone has seen the whole thing, chime in.
K
But how did you really feel about the movie, Keith? Don't hold anything back.
ReplyDeleteWell, other than the stuff I mentioned, it was okay.
ReplyDeleteI wouldn't say it's the worst but it clearly lacks a great deal. You turned it off after 20 minutes because you've seen it before. The simple characterizations - the innocent victim, the saintly lawyer, the devilish prosecutor and judge - is common in TV courtroom dramas.
ReplyDeleteIt didn't get any better after you turned it off. Most of the film was a clumsy political and social statement using history to pontificate on modern society. IMHO
ReplyDeleteGreg - I figured that's where it was going. Thanks for proving me correct.
ReplyDeleteScott - thanks for the comment. Yep, I found the first 20 pretty formulaic. A poor effort.
ReplyDeleteAdmittedly, I have not seen The Conspirator. I decided to stay away after several friends expressed similar views to yours. That being said, it cannot possible be worse than Gods and Generals. Both clearly fail as films and as works of history but G&G reeks of Lost Cause mythology, which should automatically move it to the bottom of the barrel.
ReplyDeleteI totally agree with you on the Gods and Generals issue. It is ghastly in many ways. But I still give it the "next to worst" slot only because I managed to get through it. I was interested in the film's Lost Cause message - not because I am a proponent of it - but because it still seems to hold sway. This is a topic that often finds its way into my writings. A lot of people look at that movie as history. And that is alarming.
ReplyDeleteJames McEvoy's '90s boy-band haircut was the icing on the cake for me.
ReplyDeleteI am thinking that the Patrick Swayze in "North and South" was much worse than this. At least the period uniforms and clothing were close in "Conspirator".
ReplyDeleteWill - the lost member of NKOTB perhaps?
ReplyDeleteRobert - you're right, North and South was hard to watch. I was particularly troubled by some of the overly trite nods to reconciliation. They really overworked the "brother against brother" (or at least best buds) motif in this film. So much so that one might roll their eyes. I know I did...more than once. But over-wrought reconciliationist stories notwithstanding, I really think The Conspirator gets the nod - if only for the patronizing dialogue. Visually, I suppose it was better than North and South but still...at least I made it all the way through the latter.
ReplyDeleteI was thinking a few days ago when a friend and I were discussing film subjects, that Ely Parker would be interesting. With the "black Confederates" issue "put to bed", maybe now some light should be shed on the Native AMerican point of view of the war. Your thoughts about that, Keith?
ReplyDeleteAs far as I know, there are no plans in the works to do a full length film with Native Americans and the Civil War as the subject. I would like to see what Hollywood's take on it would be. There is the one character in Cold Mountain - and he shares a moment of understood mutual oppression with a USCT soldier before he kills him at the Crater. I found that scene interesting in many ways.
ReplyDeleteThere were a number of Native Americans who fought on both sides - there is plenty to work with in terms of racial and national identity that would make a great story. You wouldn't by chance be a screenwriter, would you?